APOLOGIA FOR WHY I’M DUMPSTER DIVING FOR 80S PORNO

LAUREN YARNALL

 
 

I. THE BEST GUN IS A SUPER SOAKER
 
A boy with a chaw-fat bottom lip & beater holds plastic
shotguns to kill virtual deer. Puts them to my temple. Plays
 
a video of a man stuffing a funnel between a woman’s open legs
filling her with eels. They shoot-out
 
off-screen. Everyone faceless, all hands
& legs & a dozen dozen eels.
 
Electric womb, she becomes gun.
 
 
II. THE BEST GUN MAKES PORTALS OUT OF MOONDUST OR WHATEVER
 
You like to put things inside me & leave them, like you’re done
playing. Time for supper. I’m on the floor. On my back.
Carpet strands made of a thousand baby snakes.
 
Somewhere in me is a wormhole, a temporary
home for oxblood marbles. I like to think
they’ll come out somewhere else.
 
 
III. CAN I BE ANNIE OAKLEY FOR A MINUTE? I LIED BEFORE ABOUT BEING A STRAIGHT-SHOOTER
 
I am fifteen & my tongue tastes like root beer.
You hold a game controller to my pussy before I know
 
it’s my pussy & pull the trigger so it vibrates
against me. Pixelated blood petals
 
pixelated concrete & I am your flower girl. You kill
all the zombies. I keep real
 
still. I believe my body is a marriage
wrapped around whatever
 
like a baby blanket. I hide your cock ring on a shelf
in your room. Shrug when you can’t seem to find it.
 
 
IV. YOU’VE BEEN TAKING OFF CONDOMS & NOT TELLING ME
 
With the cervix still soft
 
insert: cat claws & rabbit’s
 
head. I’ll birth them later
 
& look
 
at what you’ve done. Look
 
at what you’ve made me do.
 
 
V. I ASK MY DAD WHY HE ORDERED VIRTUAL REALITY GOGGLES IF NOT TO WATCH PORN
 
He wants to see the bottom of the ocean
from the comfort of his chair.
 
 
VI. A QUICK ASIDE ABOUT OBSESSION
 
this sex doll (how do I explain
 
painting a door
 
a door               a door              a door)
 
pretends it’s me
 
 
VII. THE BEST GUN IS A JOKE, THE FLAG SAYS bang
 
When you watch enough everything becomes pornography:
 
                                                                     I mean both fuck & fake, I mean gay straight girls
                                       with acrylic nails & Oops I forgot my panties & now I’m stuck in this
                                                                          window— I mean this couple I’ve seen through
                                                            the coffee shop window glitch up & down the sidewalk
                                                                     for the third time now, their hands in each other’s
                                               back pockets—they’re the same as the man dressed up as Easter
                                                      Bunny with penis jutting slick & purple from faux-white fur.

 
 

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